Humans…each of us, bring our own pasts and our own personalities into every relationship we encounter.
I bring fear, lots of it. Fear of abandonment, fear of loss, fear of watching a person slowly drift away. Truth be told that has been the story that accompanied every relationship I have ever known in one way or another. Even if the person came back…at some point, they left.
I’m not trying to make anyone feel bad for me….no, instead….I’m trying to make us all pause to understand one another. My fear of abandonment causes me to push before they leave. Not ideal…what if they were never going to leave? Not permanently anyway.
Others fear engulfment, entrapment, loss of self, loss of a dream or a goal, loss in general.
We humans exist in this life projecting our fears on the people who surround us…it is a fucking pinball machine…all of us and our fears bumping against each other.
Why do we even bother?
I think I know why.
Because when we survive it. A rift. A fight. A war. When we reunite with a lost friend, or hug someone after we fought and cried and screamed….or even when we find the strength to forgive those people who never asked for it…when we send prayers to those who never bothered to send them to us….when we’ve passed it, the relief that follows is euphoric. The staggered breath we breathe in is unlike any oxygen we’ve ever encountered. We feel cleansed.
Just my thoughts for the night.
Fun stuff soon.