I just woke up from the most vivid dream. Essentially, an abridged timeline of the last 10 years of my life; but it wasn’t happening to me….instead, I was watching it happen to me. Not only watching it, but feeling it all again. Now that is already a lot – but not the reason I’m awake at 3am in front of a blog I barely post to.
This dream, I wasn’t just feeling the emotions surrounding the events that have happened in the last 10 years, the good and the bad, I was feeling the emotions of all of the humans that played a role in that portion of my life. Obviously, those could never be they’re real emotions – but the dream left me shaken. I woke up short of breath, my chest tight. Honestly, that’s a lot to cover in 2.5 hours.
It was like that song, you know the one I’m talking about, it can take you back the exact moment you first heard it or the period of your life when you relentlessly played it over and over again. But in this case, it was a very long song…one that kept swinging from happy to sad, euphoric to miserable…you get the idea. Rollercoaster.
The thing is, I’ve carried a lot of heartache….I’ve caused a lot too. I’m very familiar with the things that have broken my heart, some of them still do. But the amount of heartache, that this dream convinced me I caused…it’s catastrophic and honestly, despite the beautiful life I’m living…it breaks my heart all over again.
This probably seems random. Uninteresting. The truth is, I used to write about this period of time…a lot. I was actually working on a novel based off of it but I abandoned it for various reasons a couple of years ago…but, maybe it’s time I dive back in? Stay tuned.