In 2007 some guy that I was infatuated with didn’t want me. I was certain that would be the worst heart break I ever experienced. Today, it took me a full 5 minutes to remember his name. The reason? That wasn’t actual heartbreak. True heartbreak – that is watching your child suffer. It is being awake at 2:30am because all she wants to do is sleep on her side or, better yet, her stomach but she can’t roll over and… Read more »

God, I woke up with a heavy heart. I’ve been up since 3am. Things have been heavy lately….in the world, in my life, in general. I woke up with one thought: “why can’t I ever get any sleep?” LOL. Let me be clear…I have a beautiful life – a husband who is successful, driven, an amazing dad, loves me on my very worst day and (cherry on the top) is very nice to look at ;). I have a step-son… Read more »

I just woke up from the most vivid dream. Essentially, an abridged timeline of the last 10 years of my life; but it wasn’t happening to me….instead, I was watching it happen to me. Not only watching it, but feeling it all again. Now that is already a lot – but not the reason I’m awake at 3am in front of a blog I barely post to. This dream, I wasn’t just feeling the emotions surrounding the events that have… Read more »

A note on anxiety right now…  It’s heavier, it’s scarier & it’s harder. To be honest, I was not sure that my anxiety could ever feel as deep and dark as it did postpartum but here I am again facing a deeper & darker version.  I’m terrified for my little family…especially my baby girl. I’m worried about my brother, parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles – many who are immunosuppressed, elderly or have any number of underlying health issues. I’m fearful… Read more »

We all do it. Just a handful of days until Mother’s Day and you have likely not picked out a gift(s) for the special lady/ladies in your life. Don’t have time to get out & shop? Don’t want to risk shipping delays by shopping online? I have you covered! Amazon Prime to the rescue. I’ve put together a list of items the moms in your life are definitely going to love and all of them are available on Amazon for… Read more »

Happy Friday! We made it, again! I woke up feeling very pregnant and very hungover this morning. I know those two together don’t make sense…but for some reason my entire second trimester has felt like one long, horrible hangover! Pounding headaches, intermittent nausea, weakness & fatigue – so far, my vitals and baby’s vitals are good so doctor says stay hydrated & well rested…and well, deal with it. 🙂 If anyone has any suggestions…I am all ears! After a work… Read more »

Sometimes I write letters to my daughter…one I don’t have yet, but someday expect to bring to life. It feels like a diary, a lesson, a glimpse into the life I lived before & maybe during her existence. I hope one day, when she feels like she’s a million miles away from me, dealing with experiences and heartache that I can’t begin to understand I can hand her this journal…giving her a literal piece of my heart and we’ll find common ground…. Read more »

Sometimes…when I’m feeling especially nostalgic (and maybe a tad bit masochistic) I will dive into my book shelf of personal journals, opening & reading the very first one my hands make contact with. Usually it’s in the middle of the night, when sleep escapes me and I feel an absolute necessity to remember where I’ve been, who I’ve been and who others have been to me. I will sit in too little light, with too little blankets and bury myself… Read more »

I’m having an “off day”. You know the kind of day I’m talking about…nothing is particularly bad but nothing is really getting a smile out of me either. I mean, when Ozzy Man Reviews fails to make me laugh I know that I am definitely “off”, hormonal or just tired and….possibly…..today….carb deprived. 🙂 Regardless, today is “eh”. The morning was uneventful, the tasks monotonous and ordinary and after only about an hour of work in what I usually find to… Read more »

I’ve been terrified to write this. I’ve stared at the screen for several hours every week for many weeks willing the perfect words to escape my fingertips, willing the black letters on a white screen to come together in such a way that everyone would understand. “Ooohhh,” they’d say, “that poor girl, she has always meant well, even when she destroyed people.” Today, I realized, there is nothing I could write, no rhetoric that would make sense to everyone….no such thing… Read more »