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A note on anxiety right now…

 It’s heavier, it’s scarier & it’s harder. To be honest, I was not sure that my anxiety could ever feel as deep and dark as it did postpartum but here I am again facing a deeper & darker version.

 I’m terrified for my little family…especially my baby girl. I’m worried about my brother, parents, grandparents, aunts & uncles – many who are immunosuppressed, elderly or have any number of underlying health issues. I’m fearful for my friends – those in small business, those who are pregnant or new moms, those who are suffering in any way because of this. 

Here is the thing about anxiety & I…I have always tried to outrun it. Exercise it away, eat it away, drink it away, plan it away, shop it away. I’ve spent the last week hardly able to sit down because when I stopped there it was, staring me in the face.

During my Peloton ride this morning with Emma Lovewell – she said -as we began a difficult push…resistance & speed combined for an all out effort- you’re going to feel uncomfortable and you are going to want to try to change that by quitting or stopping but what if you just sat in your discomfort for a little while?

So, this morning I sat with my favorite coloring book, a journal & some inspirational books and settled in with this enormous discomfort. At first, I just cried…a lot. And then I wrote down every single thing that I have been worrying about. And then as I stared at the list I circled the things I can control. 

Keeping Lila safe.

Checking in on my family and helping any way I can.

Supporting my friends’ small businesses, blogs & well being. 

Moving my body, drinking my water and eating the healthy stuff before I splurge on the junk. 😉

It’s pretty simple when I break it down like that. While my anxiety isn’t gone for this very moment its seems manageable. To everyone out there experiencing anxiety (new or ongoing) you have my thoughts and I am always hear to chat.